Developments
by Xanduwas
Summary: It began with some photographs. Three to be precise. And a boyfriend, the wrong one. And air that held the promising tang of autumn leaves. JILY. Angst, fluff, the L word and much more... T for language.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: **a new Jily fic because of reasons and a sudden strike of inspiration. I will still be trying to update the other one but this was written so I thought, why not. Anyways, I hope you like it. Kudos to JKR and all that...

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It began with some photographs. Three to be precise. And a boyfriend, the wrong one. And air that held the promising tang of autumn leaves.

Really it began with Marlene McKinnon's newfound hobby; photography. She had received a Polaroid camera for her birthday, just a few weeks before term had started. Their last year and she had taken upon herself the momentous task of capturing all of it. Every bloody second of it, Lily had remarked.

The day she chose to take the photographs in question was like any other. Mid-afternoon, just after lessons, on a Wednesday in early September. Around lunch time the Scottish countryside had been drenched in rain. Now the air was crisp and fresh, the scents of earth and clean grass wafted on the last of the summer breeze. Students milled around the ancient castle, the damp stone muffling conversations and adding a slight chill that lingered on finger tips.

Between colonnades, that looked out on to the central courtyard, Lily Evans was attempting to get back to her room, to dump her books and possibly warm up. She was cut short by a small group of male students that came across her path and somehow engaged her in conversation.

The head-girl had always had admirers, not that she noticed. She was always terribly polite to the group of boys that sometimes milled around her, slightly confused as to why they were so interested in her, but friendly nonetheless. On this certain September afternoon she was chatting amicably to two Huffelpuff fifth years, two sixth years a ravenclaw and slitherin respectively and one very brave third year Griffindoor.

Slightly further down the hallway unnoticed, but not for long, were the marauders, Remus and Sirius arguing about the perfect strategy for winning at exploding snap.

"If you don't use at least some of your wiles, Moony, then really what is the point?!"

"That's cheating! If you have to flirt to win you have no skill what so ever..."

"No skill! You insult my honour!"

"As if you have any left!"

"Why you intolerable pri..."

The exclamation was cut short by very bright flash.

"Sorry.." Marlene offered as her camera wired and clicked, churning out a small rectangle of paper. She had been crossing the still damp courtyard and had felt the need to capture the scene.

The argument almost forgotten by the sudden intrusion of blinding light, Sirius moved on to matters more interesting, that is Marlene and her 'marvellous contraption'. Remus, who was no stranger to muggle technology but still enthralled by instant pictures, went over to join his friend in the appreciation of the camera. Peter followed behind, a slight smile on his face as his friends oohed and aaaahed over the shiny new toy. James dawdled with indecision, his head shifting between Lily and his friends.

The fourth marauder had be strangely quiet for the past week, since returning to the castle. Though they didn't mention it, his friends had noticed his removal from conversations and his apparent lack of interest in certain activities. They postulated it could be for any number of reasons, could be his new head-boy status weighed heavily on his mind or, Sirius thought it was more likely, it was the revelation that over the summer Lily Evans had procured herself a boyfriend.

On this uneventful afternoon, it was this subject, one of school-wide intrigue, James had decided he was going to investigate. Not that he cared really, he told himself, he was just looking out for a friend, making sure her boyfriend was a standup bloke and all. All residual feelings for Lily Evans, or so he told himself, were gone.

"Oi, Evans!"

Her head turned to his greeting, James feigned nonchalance and Sirius pressed a seemingly innocuous button on the camera.

Flash!

"Potter?" Her voice was weary but he could hear the smile in it. It two short steps he was in among the Lily Evans fanclub, pointedly ignoring their disgruntled looks.

"Haven't seen you in a while," he tried, she smirked slightly. Good, he thought.

"We were in charms together this morning" she reminded him

"Oh yes, so we were. Good, good." He felt himself floundering, inside his head at least.

He hoped the flush he felt in his chest wasn't as apparent on his face. Her large green eyes bored into him with amusement and something else, he guessed it was probably the stirrings of annoyance.

"Was there something you wanted?" She shifted from one hip to the other, repositioned the books she had been holding for quite some time. She could guess where this conversation was going to go and wasn't sure if she wanted to have it, not just yet.

James ruffled his hair subconsciously, looked out across the courtyard to his friends. Still enthralled by Marlene's machine they were now aiming to get into the most complicated poses possible, it involved much squawking and flailing of limbs and had Marlene in such a fit of giggles she could barley hold the camera steady.

Fuck it, James thought.

"Listen Evans, about this boyfrie..."

"Oi, Prongs you Twat! Get over here!" Sirius, oblivious to the most awkward of situations beckoned to his friend to get into the frame.

James Potter's feet twisted in indecision as Lily Evans breathed a secret sigh of relief. She had successfully avoided the summer boyfriend conversation for over a week, now if only she could keep it up for the next nine months...

James opened and closed his mouth, doing a surprisingly accurate fish impression for a full two seconds before he regained composure, strutted over to his friends and took up position. He tried really hard not to look back at the redhead that looked at him with such harsh eyes. When he did look back he saw only her band of admirers and wondered silently how he had let her slip away.

Again.

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Yep, so there it is, I've written the next chapter too and it will be up shortly. Please tell me what you think...


	2. Chapter 2

**An: **Thank you so much to 1questioningdreamer for already reviewing. Here is a bit more. I don't usually update this quickly but this seemed to write itself. Please do tell me what you think.

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About half an hour later Marlene walked into the room she, Lily and the other seventh year Griffindoor girls shared. Lily, having finally put down her many text books and now sporting a large purple jumper, was splayed out on her bed. She was unsuccessful pretending to read a two month old copy of Witch Weekly while absentmindedly gazing out the window. Marlene smiled, after seven years she knew her friend well enough to know something was up.

"Something on your mind, petal?" She used the most annoying of nicknames that had thankfully not caught on with the rest of the school.

"Nope" Lily pointedly turned a page to indicate just how engrossed she was in her reading and continued to stare out the window.

"Oh good" Marlene too had noticed a change in her friend over the last week. Lily had been more cagey, more irritable. Well, as cagey and irritable as she could get before feeling mean and apologising. She had avoided talking about anything personal, or anything much in particular apart from the 'marvellous' rain she seemed to be enjoying. She will tell me in her own time, Marlene decided, so she changed her tact. "Want to see my pictures from today?"

Lily looked up at her friend and smiled, she wondered if it looked forced, if her eyes gave it away.

"Sure" she said sitting up so her friend could join her on the bed. Marlene shot one more worried look in her direction before dumping a small pile of pictures on to the mattress.

* * *

"Wow, Marley, you are getting really good at this!" A genuine smile danced across the head-girl's face, for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime. Lily seemed in a better mood after just a few minutes.

"Thanks, what do you think of this one?" Marlene held up a perfectly timed photo of their potions teacher, Professor Slughorn, with one of his over-large fingers halfway up his nose. Lily let out a guffouar of laughter.

"That!" She took the photo from her friend "is true art! Could be on the walls of the Tate. Truly captures a beautiful moment"

"I think I'll call it 'Digging for gold'" Marlene stated proudly. Lily let out another laugh and picked up a different photo at random from the bed. The laugh still on her lips Lily looked closely at the picture in her hands.

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The first of three. Sirius and Remus in the heat of an argument, the arms of one flailing and the other, with his hand to his heart, offended. Peter laughing along at their side. Lily, smiling politely at one of the Huffelpuffs from earlier, John Stebbins as she could remember. And James, oh god James, with a look she had never seen before on his face. Except once, last year, when she caught him looking at her at the Yule ball. That look was something else. Like his insides were on fire. His eyes were soft and his stare strong all at once. Those eyes killed her. Was that really how he looked at her. She felt a pull at the base of her rib cage. Almost painful.

* * *

She put down the photo, how long had she been looking at it. She reapplied her smile and reached for another photo. Marlene didn't seem to notice her companion's small breakdown, it had only been a few seconds that Lily had stared at that photo. Oh god that photo.

Desperately trying to push any and all thoughts of James, and the other matters surrounding him, out of her mind Lily picked up another photo.

"I love this one!" She cooed, a slight strain in her voice. A beautiful picture of storm clouds on the horizon, shot through one of the old glass-less windows on the third floor. Marlene smiled at her friend, noticed the change in her voice, glanced at the quickly discarded photo. She reached for the small slip of paper, Lily noticed her friend pick it up. "No!" Too late.

"What?" Marlene cocked her head in confusion and looked down at the photograph in her hand. She didn't see it at first, distracted by the wild arms of Remus and over exaggerated expression on Sirius's face. She smirked, looked closer, Lily's smile was off, her eyes weren't in it. That wasn't it though, it was the look that James was giving her. "Oh Lily!..." She started.

"What?" Now Lily cocked her head, furrowed her brows, looked away from Marlene's big brown eyes. "Oh, that..." She took the photo pointedly from her friend and placed it on the bed as if it was of no consequence. "It nothing Marlene, really." She didn't want to talk about the tearing in her chest. "Just a photo," she shrugged, hoping her half sentences and feigned confusion would suffice. Marlene just looked at her, pointedly, waited for her to calm down. Lily stopped flustering, took a short breath and looked away again. Who was she kidding?

There was a silence for a second, Lily bit her bottom lip and looked down at her sock clad feet.

"Is that really how he looks at me?" She asked, her voice was barley audible.

Marlene opened her mouth to answer but was cut short.

"Ladies!" The loud singsong voice of Sirius Black; interrupted a very important conversation for the second time that day. "Make yourselves decent, or don't, I don't mind, but we're comin' in!..."

The seventh year girls had long-since gotten used to the marauders barging into their dorm at all hours, ever since they had somehow found their way around the charm that was supposed to stop them from doing just that.

Lily and Marlene exchanged a look as Sirius strolled into the room as if he owned the place. Lily shook her head softly and Marlene nodded in reply. As usual, the subtle nuances and implications of the moment were lost on Sirius, but Remus, who entered behind him noticed the look that had passed between the girls.

"Siruis, we're interrupting" he noted.

"Nonsense!" The Griffindoor proclaimed "We are bringing the party to these clearly bored birds," here he gestured at Lily's unread copy of Witch Weekly which lay discarded on the floor. "Anyways, Marley here promised me I could see her collection of photographs that don't move."

"Do come in Sirius, make yourself at home." Noted Lily dryly, unsure as to weather or not she was relieved.

"Charming as ever, Evans." Sirius nodded in her direction, giving her one of his best smiles. She sighed heavily and shuffled over on the bed, so he too could sit and look at the photos. There was a moment of confusion as both Remus and Peter also came over to join them on the bed, in this moment Lily took the photo that had brought up too many questions. She hid it under her pillow and tried to push its contents out of her mind. As she was doing this Marlene found a photo that could cause spark just as many questions. The second of three. She put it in the pocket of her robes for safekeeping.

"No James then?" Marlene noted, her eyes flicking to Lily, who pretended she hadn't noticed.

"He's coming later" Peter offered "said something about charms homework and wondered off a while ago..." Neither Remus nor Sirius elaborated, this was, of course, the official excuse.

When they had left their dorm room James had been on his bed, with an impenetrable look on his face, playing with his stolen snitch. When asked if he wanted to go see the girls he had grunted something that sounded like a cross between 'later' and 'never' and sighed heavily. His mood had been a dark cloud on the dorm since the start of term, frankly Sirius was getting rather bored of it. So with the mindset to avoid as much drama as possible James had been called 'an interminable git' and his friends had departed to find a less gloomy atmosphere.

So there they sat, refugees from James Potter's foul mood and the two girls with an entirely different problem that had been snatched from their lips. And there they remained for over an hour, until they realised they were really quite hungry and went down to the great hall for what would turn out to be a quite eventful dinner.

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So yeah, that's chapter two and all. Not sure how many more there will be, maybe a couple depends on how fast I write. Please tell me what you think. Reviews are are better than chocolate...


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:** So here it is another chapter, short I know. Thank you so much to Teetaloo, snapsaway and siriuslyjily for reviewing. I means so damn much to me that you liked my story enough to tell me, so yeah thanks. Er, yeah, this chapter still doesn't mention the boyfriend but I swear I'm getting to it and you'll see why it's so angsty next chapter I think...

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By the time James Potter's stomach got the better of him the clouds had reopened and the Great Hall was alive with the last rays of sunlight and the flames of the hundreds of floating candles. The charmed ceiling was a dramatic mix of grey, deep blue and soft red. The warmth of the Great Hall, in stark contrast with the cool air outside, created a clammy, almost tense, air.

The noise of the hall hit him before he entered, he didn't much feel like being social. He didn't feel much like doing anything. He stood for a second in the glow that emanated from the hall and perfected his expression of indifference. James presumed his friends had gone to dinner without him but doubted they would have finished eating yet. With that in mind, secretly hoping his eyes wouldn't give him away, he fixed a smile on his face and strutted into the hectic bustle that was dinner time at Hogwarts.

Peter noticed his friend lingering on the threshold, off to the side as to not be seen, he smiled brightly and waved as James scanned the room for his group. His eyes widening, mouth clenching ever-so-slightly as he saw who they were sitting with. Peter stored that look away in his head to ask James about when his mood was more favorable, if it ever was.

"Aaaaaah! The prodigal son returns!" Sirius exclaimed loudly as James sat down between Remus and Lily, who was pretending she hadn't noticed his presence until it was announced. Really, she had felt him dawdling in the entrance way and had pointedly ignored it.

"Shove off, mate" James replied. His voice was jokey and his eyes apologetic. Sirius nodded at him by means of forgiveness and made a grand show of pouring him some pumpkin juice. "So what have you guys been up to then?" James asked, although he already knew, he hoped to get the conversation flowing again and, more importantly, to avoid looking at Lily.

He could felt her at his left shoulder, her arm almost touching his as she reached for more peas. He noticed some stands of her auburn hair fall into her face and her unsuccessful attempt to blow it out of her eyes.

"We've been looking at Marlenes' pictures" Peter offered helpfully, James silently thanked the gods. "They are really good..."

"Mmmmmm, cool..." He intoned, heaping vast quantities of mash potato onto his plate to serve as a distraction.

"And talking about our plans for the evening" Remus tactfully changed the subject, passing James a large plate of sausages.

"Which are?" James took three, he didn't feel that hungry. He didn't feel anything, he reminded himself, sighing inwardly. His internal monologue was so loud he almost missed the rest of the conversation.

"Well, Marlene was just saying she had some Firewhiskey left over from her birthday," Sirius's voice, and the possibility of inebriation, brought him back to the present. "and what with it being such a gloomy day..." Sirius continued "What with all the rain and all..." At this Lily spoke fo the first time

"Oi! Don't you go off on one about the rain again, Black." She shook her head, laughing, at her friend. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Sorry! What with this weather that, and I quote, '_makes everything more_'..." with this he used very sarcastic air quotes and a slight sneer.

"I just mean that it exaggerated every situation..." Lily tried to justify herself, she trailed off as Sirius seemed to be consulting the heavens in exasperation.

Silence fell on the group for just a second.

"_Fucking hippies._" Remus stated, a lot less under his breath that he expected.

Five head turned in shock.

The group burst into very loud, very real laughter.

For a moment they were the loudest people in the hall, some students stopped eating to turn and look in the direction of the racket. Laughter bounced off the walls, following flickering candlelight, is sounded like being alive. Amidst the cacophony Marlene raised her camera. Flash!

Once the laughter had subsided (Peter had been close to inconsolable and Remus was blushing red at the pure pleasure of making his friends collapse in hysterics) Marlene tried to pick the conversation back up.

"Fucking hippies aside," She pulled a face and carefully placed a photo on the table to develop. "What we were saying was; theres some left over fire whiskey, quite a lot actually, so if you guys want some, you're more than welcome..."

"Piss-up in the dorm tonight!" Sirius summarised.

"Eloquent as always, Padfoot." James smiled at his friends, so close to genuine. His hunger and some of his mood had subsided, now if only the gnawing in his ribcage would die down.

"You know me, mate." Sirius winked across the table, things were starting to feel normal again.

With that, the conversation diverged as all eventually do, ebbed and flowed as if nothing was the matter. All the while, Lily was all too aware of James on her right, he smelt of sandalwood and rain, and she could feel heat radiating from him. After a few minutes, though the conversation was light and he barely looked at her, Lily felt she could take no more. She excused herself from the table with collection of excuses and a promise to come visit the revelries later on.

James watched her go.

Remus noticed the concern in his eyes, Peter saw confusion and Sirius, and he would talk about this moment for years to come, realised that his friend was most certainly in love with Lily Evans.

Marlene noticed none of this. She did, however, remember that she had to show Lily something. Something important. She too said her goodbyes and took off after her friend.

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**AN: **Yeah, so there it is, please do tell me what you think...


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: **Here's another, sorry for the wait, but you know, uni and stuff and things. Thanks so much to Kat and fangirlswaaag for reviewing. Sirius a bit of a dick in this but also very Sirius and important, at least I think so. Anyways I hope you like it, don't forget to review...

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Though Marlene took off mere seconds after her friend she somehow managed to loose her in the gloom of the castle. Lily had taken advantage of the small crowd of students milling around the entrance hall to slip away. They provided a perfect cover for the Headgirl as she quickly ascended the stairs, taking them two at a time in her haste to escape. Not that she was escaping from Marlene, she told herself, she just needed some time alone. She needed to think.

Marlene McKinnon was not the most forgetful of witches but she was a little preoccupied. She stood in the hallway, turning this way and that, looking for a glimpse of red hair, for a good minute before deciding to cut her losses. She could show her later she reasoned.

Hopefully Lily would be in a better mood by then or at the very least too drunk to get upset. She also remembered that she had left behind some of her stuff at the table with the marauders. Shrugging she headed back into the din.

"Did you miss us?" Sirius asked, halfway through his second helping of trifle and casually eyeing the chocolate cake.

"Oh terribly." Marlene quipped, pressing one hand to her heart and dramatically fanning her face with the other. Peter giggled, Sirius beamed, Remus exhaled loudly enough for it to count as a laugh but James was quiet. Very quiet. He was looking at a small slip of paper that was across the table from him, his fork paused halfway to his mouth. "You alright James?" Marlene ventured, sliding back into her seat next to Sirius and scooping up the scarf and gloves she had come back for.

"Who me?" James intoned after a considerable pause, he looked up, shaking his head slightly in an attempt to remove a certain image from it. His friends looked at him with mixed expressions of bewilderment and worry and, in Sirius's case, confusion and a large mouthful of cake. "I'm fine" He offered, he raised his eyebrows and spread his lips in what he hoped looked sufficiently cheerful. No-one was convinced. "Incidentally" he added casually scooping up the photo off the table. "Marlene, do you mind if I um borrow this for a bit?" He turned it slightly in his fingers and refused to fully look at it, light reflected off the shiny paper making it difficult to make out the details.

"Er, sure" Marlene smiled slightly, she could tell it was more important than he was making out. A whole lot more important if the photo burning a hole in her pocket was anything to go by. "It's probably not that good anyway.." She shrugged, James smiled in faux nonchalance and pocketed the photograph. The final one of three.

James's supposedly reassuring smile still stagnant on his face, Remus inwardly sighed at the scene that had just transpired. He too had seen the photo.

* * *

Laughter stretched across all their faces, a plate of peas precariously balanced on Peter's hand as his face contorted with mirth. Remus, flushed right up to the ears with a modest grin at his lips. Sirius, head thrown back, one hand on the table to steady himself. And there they were. James and Lily. Lily and James. The laughter had caught them off guard, their faces unconsciously had turned towards each other, a smile shared on their lips. They seemed to both mirror and exaggerate each others emotions. Pure joy etched into the lines around their eyes, unfiltered. And the look they shared scorched through the photo itself. Remus knew that a moment like that, captured forever on unyielding paper, would hurt James. He lived for those moments and to see one, to know they existed but he could do nothing about it, must be pure torture.

* * *

The snapshot now safely in James's possession the conversation now went back to almost normal. Marlene wandered off a bit later to work on a transfiguration essay, Remus and Peter went with her. Peter, because Marlene was always so good at explains things and Remus because he could tell the other two had some things to hash out. He hoped Sirius could possibly talk some sense into James. Or at least cheer him up before the evening...

The two friends found themselves alone in a hall full of people. Sirius slid along the bench so he was directly opposite James and took a deep breath. He hated emotional chats and so did James but maybe, just this once, one was necessary.

"Listen mate..." He began, James looked up from an untouched plate of cake. His eyes looked tired, Sirius knew he hadn't been sleeping much lately. James half smiled, he knew how this conversation was going to go. I had happened a couple of times before, but this was different, this was so much worse.

"I know." He sighed, " I know it might not be serious, Sirius." Said wizard inappropriately wiggled his eyebrows and James half smiled "But its still shit. And what if it is? What if she really likes him. What if I never get a chance, to you know, tell her, really tell her."

* * *

James had declared his love for Lily what felt like every day last year. They had resolved their differences at the end of the 5th year so by then she was used to him and had either laughed it off or hexed him. It had become a joke of sorts 'James pass the coffee' 'I love you, Evans' 'I will maim you!'. But through it all Lily had dated other people and James had too, however none of them had worked. None of them had been right. But now, now it was different, James was in the dark about her new suitor and Lily had been acting weird.

* * *

Sirius knew all this, he had been forced to sit through what seemed like endless tirades from James and even the occasional monologue from Lily. But this time did feel different, the air was charged. A storm of sorts was coming and he could feel it.

"Mate," He ventured a while after James had trailed off. "It'll figure itself out" He offered, not sure what to say. James looked sceptical and raised a single eyebrow.

"Will it?"

"I dunno"

"Great" James looked away. He shoulders began to sink into a sulk and suddenly Sirius had had enough.

"Oh for fucks sake!" He he raised his hand towards the sky.

"What?!" James's head shot up.

"You know what!" Sirius shot at him, his tone changed "You know what?" he questioned

"What?..." James mumbled

"I'm sick of this shit! You've been in a funk since we came back!" James made to defend himself but he was cut short. "No. It's my time to talk" Sirius silenced him, lent in closer so that the Ravenclaw girls on the table behind him who were obviously eavesdropping had less chance of hearing. "My time" he repeated. "I know. I get it, Evans has a new man and you can't take it. Well so what?" James's eyes widened.

"So. What." He intoned very slowly.

"Yes! So fucking what? What have you done about it?"

"I've..." James began.

"You've what? Moped? Been a sulky git? Pissed off your best friends?" He pause for effect.

"Sorry" James meant it, his eyes gave him away.

"It doesn't matter." Sirius shrugged "its fine, we're used to your shit. But it has to stop. You need to choose."

"Choose?"

"Yes. You can let Evans be, you can give up on her, there are other birds" he saw James forming a fist "and you can stop being a dick about it. Or..." He lent in closer "You can do something about it. Have you even talked to her about him yet?" To this James hook his head and his hand relaxed "Well fucking do it then, fight for her, tell her how you feel, how you really feel..." There was a silence, the Ravenclaw girls were certainly listening and had stopped talking to better hear the exchange. Sirius decided he wanted to go for a big exit, and began packing up his things. James silently watched him as he stood. Before he left Sirius lent back to the table. "Grow a pair or grow the fuck up..." Wow, he thought, that came out cooler than I expected. He picked up his bag and marched out of the hall leaving a very stunned James Potter alone and staring at his hands.

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**AN:** Yeah, I know, a bit mean, but the next chapter is guaranteed fluff. I promise. Please do tell me what you think.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN:** This is a really short one but the next chapter is coming in the next week I promise, or maybe sooner, I don't know. Also thank you to Hopeless23 for your review, this update is for you I guess :) Anyways, here's some sort of fluff for ya. Please do tell me what you think...

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He needed a cigarette, but he also didn't really fancy going out into the torrential rain, no matter how much Lily had professed about it. Lily, the one thought shining his mind. He hoped that the smoke would scrape his insides raw, to purge him of his feelings, to at least cloud his vision with acrid smoke for long enough for him to forget the way she smiled.

It was with these feelings of confusion and a craving for nicotine that James Potter found himself back at the central courtyard. His feet had guided his while his mind spun. His thoughts were so turbulent that it took him a while to notice he was not alone.

Sitting in an alcove, arms around her knees for warmth, was none other than Lily Evans.

* * *

Until recently that alcove had housed a suit of armor, but the marauders had animated most of the castles' suits to armor to perform the Can-can in honour of McGonigal's birthday, most of which had since been confined to the dungeons because quite a few just wouldn't stop dancing. However the memory of this occasion was far from James's mind as he finally spotted his most unfortunate of company.

* * *

Lily Evans noticed movement out of the corner of her eye, blinking to dislodge any stray tears she looked up. And there he was, James _fucking_ Potter, leaning on a parapet, absentmindedly turning a pack of cigarettes over in his hands. He turned in her direction and there was an indistinguishable moment that was shared between them.

"I didn't follow you here." James felt the need to clarify, _smooth_ the thought angrily.

Lily half smiled through tight lips, she didn't trust her voice right now. She considered for a second then shuffled over in her alcove. James raised his eyebrows as she patted the space next to her. _I guess this is it _he thought to himself as he sat down next to her. There was just enough space for the pair of them but they were both very aware of their knees touching.

Together they looked out at the deluge for god-knows-how-long.

"I wish I smoked" Lily had been a short eternity of silence. James's head turned sharply, he had almost forgotten what her voice sounded like, it sounded foreign to his ears, soft but gravely.

"It'll kill you" He managed to reply.

"You smoke" Neither a question nor an accusation, merely a comment. She gestured to the pack of cigarettes in his hand.

"I'm try to quit" He shrugged. Silence fell again. The silence of raindrops on old stone and hearts beat _too_ loud. James held up his pack and offered one to his companion. She shook her head.

"They're better in theory," she offered by means of an explanation. James stowed the pack back in his robes, taking one out without thinking about it. Twirling it in his fingers.

"How so?"

"Difficult decisions always look better with cigarette smoke around the edges." Lily always had a way to stump him for words.

"Fucking hippies" James murmured and the witch beside him let out a small laugh. His stomach flipped violently.

A more comfortable silence fell on the pair as the watched the heavens descend, each lost in their own thoughts.

James, wondering when was the last time he had made Lily laugh. And more than that, desperate to ask, to profess and to explain, but wanting to not scare her away.

Lily, a messy collection of words and impressions and that photograph. It was in her hand now, slightly scrunched but the truth it held was intact, if you knew where to look. There was another too. Marlene had delivered it by owl just minutes ago, a beautiful Tawney owl had dropped the bombshell. The final photograph, tucked in the pocket of her jeans threatening to expose it all.

* * *

In the very same courtyard. James, with her name fresh on his lips, his expression more controlled than before, but the ghost of it remained. His head hadn't turned to fully look at her. But there it was again, that look. She was giving him _that look_. The mess of pain and confusion and unmistakable adoration, and it was coming from her. Radiating off her. Lily's face was alive with it. It burned behind her eyes. The other people in the photo seemed not to exist, not the other marauders, nor Stebbins nor any other of the admirers from earlier. It was just her and James, clear as day.

* * *

Three leaves blew across the courtyard. Tripping and dancing on the soft breeze that threatened to turn the rain horizontal. In the distance thunder rumbled. Lily took a deep breath, this was it.

"He told me he loved me"...

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**AN:** Yeah, I know, a bit of a cliff hanger there, I really am sorry. What do ya think so far?...


	6. Chapter 6

**An: **So here we are I'm sorry it took so long. Thanks to the guest reviewer, I hope this chapter is good enough for you. Please do tell me what you think!

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"He told me he loved me"

She hadn't moved a muscle, her eyes were still resolutely fixed on the rain. She felt James shift next to her, he made no attempt to speak, she took this as a cue to continue. "He told me he loved me and left the country." She felt his eyes boring into her. "I didn't say anything..."

"Nothing?" His voice was raspy but incredulous. For a second there he had forgotten how to breath.

"I said thanks" Lily sheepishly looked over at him, her eyes filled with sincerity and the makings of tears.

James Potter wanted to laugh. He also wanted to shout and was almost certain that both of these things would happen soon if he wasn't careful. But for now he had to be the friend that Lily needed.

"Have you spoken to him since?" He wasn't sure how to proceed, his motives were so very conflicted.

Lily just shook her head.

"Ah" was all the wizard offered seemed to be able to offer. Again they both looked off into the storm. Lily so lost inside the mess of her head and James determined not to look at her, not just yet.

After a small eternity he finally worked up the courage to ask the question that he wasn't he wanted answered. It burned his lips on the way out, hurt every fiber of his being as he uttered it into the night air.

"Do you love him?"He held his breath. To scared to look at the witch beside him, feeling her eyes on his, it was now his turn to avoid eye contact.

Lily Evans sighed. She was sick of crying, she was sick of pretending she didn't care and she was certainly sick of not knowing. She looked over at the messy wizard that was avoiding her gaze and wondered why she had even tried to hide it.

But James wasn't looking, too afraid to look rejection and pity in her beautiful green eyes, he couldn't do it. Not again.

He had sworn to himself he was over her, but oh gods, he wasn't. Not even close.

"James" He wasn't used to having his name on her lips, it sounded tentative and final. So far from the impersonal and usually irritated 'Potter'. He turned to look at her, took her in in the damp half light.

Her eyeliner was smudged, her damp auburn hair clung to her face and her nose was a soft red. He had never seen anything more beautiful in all his 17 years.

She handed him a photo.

The first of three, where his eyes gave the game away.

"I..." He began, he needed to explain. Another photo appeared.

The second of three. Wrinkled but still recognisable. His eyes widened, his heart beat in his throat. He was pretty sure something was on fire just below his rib cage.

"I can't love him." The sentence hung in the air like smoke around an important decision.

She took him in, inhaled citrus and sandalwood as he poured over the photograph that had made her heart go into free fall. He dragged a hand through his jet black hair, then pulled it hand down the side of his neck and just let it fall to the floor without really noticing what he was doing.

James Potter eventually tore his eyes away from the photograph that showed Lily, _Lily, _looking at him as if her soul was on fire. He let his deep brown eyes fall on the real thing and there it was again. Her eyes were the soft and slightly glassy, they spoke words he thought he would never hear, emerald green and eternal.

Lily Evans was in love and her eyes were giving it away.

The next moment happened in a heartbeat. James dropped the photo, took Lily's face in his hands and watched a smile spread across her lips as she leant forward. Their lips met and James found her smile tasted like strawberries. Lily wound one hand around the back of his neck, with the other she grabbed his waist and pulled him closer, he needed to be closer_, so much closer. _They were now kneeling entwined half in and half out of the alcove, while the rain assaulted the old stone and their insides burned.

All sense of time was lost until they heard the rumble of footsteps, the clatter of excited voices and they remembered themselves. They broke apart, almost shy. They were silent for a second, lost in the implications, then...

"I'm sorry that was a mistake..."

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**AN: **I'm sorry to leave it there but it seemed as good a place as any to stop this chapter. Worry not I've nearly finished the next part and it will be up in a couple of days... In the meantime please do tell me what you think?


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: **Yeah, I'm sort of sorry for leaving it there but watching people freak out was kinda fun. Thanks to GreekPrincess3 for reviewing, it really means alot. So here it is, the final chapter. Maybe. I kind of want to do a bonus chapter of the marauders reaction/booze-up, tell me if you want that?...

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Lily Evans' freefalling heart connected with the ground at an alarming rate. Every sinew of her being stung and ached. She felt her eyes prickle. She had kissed James, _James fucking Potter,_ and it had been perfect and wonderful and her brain had left her body. And it had been a mistake.

"What?" Was all she could choke out, all she could trust herself to say. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the wizard in front of her. The look he was giving her was unreadable.

"Lily," James began "I love you..."

"Then why?..." her heart had picked itself off the floor and was beating in her throat.

"I love you." He repeated, he took her hand and stared at it intently as of studying it. "But I can't do this. _Not like this._ I can't.."

"James" She cupped his face with her other hand, pulled it up so she could look in his eyes

"Lily." Her name was laden with pain but tainted with hope "I've waited for you, I always will but..." her eyes caught his "if you are just doing this because of your boyfriend, or because you feel you have to or because..." He was lost for words, she was scrabbling to find some "It just has to be real."

It was silent for a moment, lightning flashed and thunder uproariously applauded dangerously close by.

"It is real." Lily began, finally finding the nerve to say the words that had been on the tip of her tongue "It always has been. For over a year, it's the reason none of my boyfriends worked out." She corrected herself "_You're _the reason!" to this James smiled slightly "I'm not doing this because of my boyfriend because I wrote him a letter this morning telling him I was sorry. And about having to do it..." James' eyes were filled with awe, his lips slightly parted. "I do have to do it..." She kissed him softly "And I have to do this..." She kissed him again, longer this time, his hands snaked around her waist and one rested on her lower back.

They broke apart again minutes later, lips mere centimeters apart, neither could quite believe this was happening. James suddenly remembered the photograph that had previously scorched his insides. With one hand still on Lily, for he could never let go of her again, he extracted the picture from his back pocket. The final one of three. Where their smiles matched, as they did now. He held it up in front of Lily's face.

Her eyes widened as she took the small scrap of paper in both hands and moved just slightly away from him to lean back on the cold wall of the alcove. She felt the loss of warmth and the tug at the base of her ribcage as she took in the picture. It was perfect. This was perfect. The crescendo of thunder outside brought her back.

"_Oh James."_ Those two small words held a multitude of meanings.

James Potter smiled at the girl he had been in love with for as long as he remembered, in that moment he decided he would never love like this again. He cocked his head slightly as she asked him "What are we going to tell the others?..."

"We'll figure something out." He answered talking her hand and helping her up. Hand in hand they walked off towards the Common room and the inevitable reactions that would ensue. And with that Lily Evans looked at wizard she had been desperately trying not to love and decided she could never pretend not to again.

"I'm pretty sure Sirius had a bet going..." She noted and her companion laughed.

"I think he had insider information."

"Where would he get that now?"

"Beats me..."

"Maybe from someone with ulterior motives?.."

They had almost reached the portrait of the fat lady before James pulled her into another alcove and the smirk was kissed off her face. They did not emerge for a good few minutes. Just before they did he looked down at the witch in his arms, she stood on tiptoes and was almost at his eye height.

"I love you" Lily Evans offered almost bashfully, her hands were on his chest. James Potter smiled, brushed a stray strand out of her eyes.

"I know..."

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**AN: **I'm sorry I really couldn't resist the Star Wars reference, anyways, that's it I guess so please do tell me what you think...


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